I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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