If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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