just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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