the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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