Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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