I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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