Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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