I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
