his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
this is an emotional support booty call
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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