Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
