So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
