I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
