I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
