I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
