The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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