Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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