It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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