Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
