The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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