I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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