I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
