you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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