to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
how does that bad decision feel?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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