ya dads aren't the best wingmen
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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