I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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