since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
