It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
NoShamevember. You game?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
