my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
