no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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