return my video game
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
