Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
