She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
