Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
