last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
