Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
