grandma shit on top of the toilet
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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