Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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