Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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