Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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