Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
