The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
