Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize