if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
