She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
