I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
