Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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