I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
