When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Found your dick twin last night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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