At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
