I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
