He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
