it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
