I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
