Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
