I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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