Just fell off a train. Bad.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
