6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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