Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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