No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I supernannyed him into submission
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
