He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
