i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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