Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
