dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have demons in me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
